### Chapter 33: Drowning My Pain The incessant buzz of my phone reverberated through the dimly-lit bar—a relentless reminder of the outside world that I had desperately tried to escape. Letty’s name flashed across the screen for what felt like the hundredth time today, yet as with all the previous calls, I brushed it aside. She had been trying to reach me since yesterday, her concern palpable through the invisible line that separated us. But I wasn't ready for conversation; I was ensnared in a storm of hurt, a world I no longer wished to inhabit, where she was still tethered to people I yearned to forget. “Another one, please,” I asked the bartender, my voice barely rising above the ambient noise as my phone fell silent. Today was my birthday—a day that should evoke joy and celebration—but here I was, alone in a bar with a shimmering fruity concoction that masked the bitterness of my reality. I swirled the drink in my glass, each sip a feeble attempt to drown out the echoes of Rowan’s cruel words. I had tried so hard to extinguish those harrowing memories—his accusations burnt into my mind like a grim tattoo I couldn’t scrub away. Years of marriage, and yet not once had I imagined that I was merely a substitute, a stand-in for Emma in his bed. With every passing moment since that fateful day, my heart had shattered anew, a painful reminder of the betrayal. I had once believed love could withstand anything, but here I was, having come to terms with the fact that for Rowan, I was but a fleeting thought, easily influenced by the venomous whispers of others. It stung to recognize that he believed any single word she spoke over the years we had built together—nine long years that now felt like a hollow void. Whoever had said that words wound deeper than blows was undeniably correct. This time, I feared that Rowan's verbal tirade had shattered me beyond the possibility of repair. “Here you go,” the bartender said, his sympathetic gaze betraying the knowledge of my silent struggle. He had likely seen a thousand souls drown themselves in spirits, searching for solace in the bottom of their glasses. I took the drink, my fingers brushing against the cool glass as I averted my eyes from his pitying look. Sympathy was not what I craved; what I longed for was a brain scrubbed clean of memories, a heart free from pain, a soul unscathed by Rowan's unrelenting cruelty. If only I could travel back in time and shake sense into my younger self—maybe then I could have sidestepped this avalanche of heartache that threatened to engulf me. Sipping on the vibrant mixture, I let my mind drift into nothingness. The alcohol hadn’t overpowered me yet, but the pleasant buzz was creeping in, a welcome distraction from the relentless aching in my chest. I downed the remainder of my drink, casting my gaze toward the dance floor where bodies moved to rhythmic beats, lost in their own worlds. I hadn’t danced in what felt like centuries, but tonight was about letting loose, about momentarily silencing the pain. With a deep breath, I rose from my stool and made my way to the dance floor, surrendering myself to the music that throbbed through the air like a heartbeat. I closed my eyes, allowing the melody to wrap around me, momentarily lifting the weight of my existence. In that fleeting moment, I could pretend—I could masquerade as someone whole. I lost myself song after song, desperately chasing that elusive numbness. People swirled around me, their energy palpable, but I remained blissfully detached. As some men tried to lure me with charming smiles, I brushed them off, refusing to engage. I was here for me, not for their fleeting whims. Eventually, fatigue began to seep into my bones, nudging me back to reality. I opened my eyes and retreated to my barstool, ordering another drink just as my phone chimed again. This time, a flicker of recognition crossed my mind, and I hesitated before accepting the call—it was Ethan. “Hi, Ethan,” I offered, my voice rising an octave higher than usual, revealing my emotional state more than I intended. “Where are you, Ava? Are you alright?” There was an urgency in his tone that tugged at my heart. “Letty just woke me up in a panic, claiming she hasn’t been able to reach you since yesterday.” A pang of guilt hit me. How had she even gotten his number? Then it struck me: I had given it to her, just in case something happened during my date with Ethan. “I’m fine; I just don’t want to talk to her right now,” I muttered, barely loud enough for him to catch the words over the noise. “Are you at a club or something?” His curiosity mingled with concern, making it hard for me to shrug off his inquiry. “Sort of,” I responded evasively. “Are you drunk?” “Just tipsy,” I admitted with a giggle, the notion of drinking myself into oblivion momentarily brushed aside by his playful demeanor. “Do you have a designated driver?” I couldn’t help but laugh at that. The detective part of him was coming out, and I found it endearing. “No, but I plan to take a taxi,” I assured him. “No, you won’t. Give me ten minutes,” he said, his voice firm before he hung up. I narrowed my eyes at the screen, confusion swirling within me. What did he mean? But in a heartbeat, I pushed it away. Tonight was about freeing myself from worries. Time slipped by before I felt the warmth of someone sliding into the seat beside mine. I looked up, startled to find Ethan’s striking blue eyes examining me with an intensity that made my heart flutter. “Ethan! How did you find me?” I stammered, genuinely perplexed by his presence. “I told you I’d be here in ten minutes when we spoke. Didn’t you believe me?” His playful tone cut through my haze, but I was still reeling from his unexpected arrival. “I remember; I just didn’t take you seriously,” I admitted, still grappling with the reality that he stood before me. He studied me, his brows knitting as if trying to unravel the complexity of my feelings. “What are you doing, Ava? I never took you for the type to drink alone at this hour, especially on a school night. Aren’t you working tomorrow?” Worry etched across his features, making me feel exposed, as if he could see right through the veneer of my smile. I pondered telling him the truth about my work situation. After all that had transpired with Rowan, I had reached out to the school board, requesting an extension on my leave—not that I needed to explain myself to him. “It’s my birthday,” I proclaimed, a hint of defiance creeping into my voice for the first time. “I just wanted to celebrate.” The music faded, and the silence around us hung thick as he absorbed my words. “You’re all alone? In a bar at almost two in the morning?” How could I explain that there was no one left to celebrate with me? That Rowan had routinely forgotten my birthday, just like the rest of my family, who had vanished from my life nearly a decade ago? The weight of those truths smothered me, inhibiting my breath. I shrugged, the motion both dismissive and heavy with the realization that I was, indeed, alone. “There’s no one to celebrate with. Noah isn’t here, and my family…they stopped caring a long time ago.” For a moment, shock flickered over his face before it transformed into determination. He stood, offering me his hand, and pulled me gently down from the barstool. He led me to a dimly-lit booth tucked away from the bustle, then he settled in beside me, his gaze locked onto mine. “Why do you say that? I know there’s more to the story than you let on. This has something to do with Rowan, doesn’t it? I see the pain behind your smiles.” Each question was an arrow, aimed with precision, piercing through the walls I had so carefully constructed. I knew that if I wanted to explore whatever this connection had the potential to become, I would need to shed the weight of my past. But doing so felt daunting. I inhaled deeply, steeling myself. “Because,” I began cautiously, “when I was eighteen, I slept with Emma’s boyfriend and ended up pregnant.” A heavy silence settled between us, filled with the unspoken revelations that had led me to this moment. Inside, I braced myself for his response, knowing that what I had laid bare could either shatter me further or spark a light of understanding amidst the darkness. --- **Author's Note:** Please don’t kill me. Ava’s past will be revealed in the next chapter. Bye!